Helping Children Manage Anxiety

These ideas are based on ideas from cognitive behavioural therapy, which has been shown to be effective in treating anxiety. The central idea is that our thoughts, feelings and actions are connected and we can learn healthy ways to approach tricky situations.

• Help your child label their feelings and what they can feel in their body eg do they get a headache, sweaty hands or jiggly legs? Suggest they draw a picture about it.
• Work out with your child how to chop the problematic activity into smaller more manageable pieces or practise how to do it beforehand eg “show me how you walk into kindy, hang up your bag and choose what to play first. Shall I pretend to be the teacher or your friend?”
• Remind your child of their past successes – tell them stories – “remember the time when you thought you couldn’t go into school by yourself and then you did?” Ask them how they felt and how they worked out how to do it. Record these stories – in a book, on a computer, make picture/posters, take photos.
• Try to prepare them in advance for activities – no surprises particularly when they are big things. Talk through how to chop them into doable pieces. Reassure them that you or another adult they trust will be with them and will stay with them the first time.
• Help your child work out helpful, positive sayings eg “no-one’s good at stuff the first time but if I keep trying I’ll get better at this”, or “this could be fun”.
• Practise breathing calmly and deeply from the diaphragm rather than shallow breaths that make your shoulders go up and down (put your hand on your tummy and make the breaths push your hand out and in). Do this when they are calm so they know what to do. Calm breaths calm our bodies and minds.
• Play games or draw pictures of potential mistakes and the worst things that you can both imagine happening and wacky ideas to cope. If we can laugh at ourselves and make new situations less important in our minds we tend to cope better.
• Give specific praise when you see your child managing something new eg ”I know you found that hard but you’re getting better each time.”
• Charts and marble jars – add a sticker or marble whenever your child tries something new eg new food, plays with a new friend, uses the phone for the first time, welcomes a guest into the house. This is a visual reminder of their capabilities and courage.

A great book for more ideas is “Helping Your Anxious Child – a step by step guide for parents by Ronald M Rapee and Ann Wignall.